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Being Undone


- Nov 09th 2021



Am I being undone?

Why are the paradigms I acquired over 55 years of my eventful life coming apart?

It feels like all my deep mental formations are being over hauled! Settled convictions and negotiations through personal relationships – with my dear wife Cheryl of 30 years and two lovely daughters Sasha and Carishma and now a delightful granddaughter, lulled me into thinking that I had arrived, in a manner of speaking.

Over and above my training as a pastor for 3 decades, I had been strategizing conflict management, mentoring, counselling, advising, and raising leaders, managing church affairs along with a touch of coaching. Seeing individuals fulfil their destiny is an article of faith with me, and a passionate calling.

So, imagine my shock, to learn that ‘coaching’ is nothing compared to what I was mentored into.

And so, the adventurous agony and ecstasy of uprooting, discovering my blind spots, undoing my mental patterns and methods began.

Coaching is not counselling an individual to find an answer to the personal & emotional challenges they are facing, or mentoring individuals to walk the path I had with my wisdom & experience, or supervising individuals to accomplish tasks that I had given, with standards I had set, also it is not consulting in a formal and certified way.

Coaching is having a conversation and being client centric in every way. It’s about journeying as a co-equal to discover together the client’s pathway towards a goal.

It’s a privilege not a position.

And so, I’m grappling with this paradigm shifts:

  • Moving from a position of thinking ‘I know the solution’ to ‘I don’t know’ and then starting fresh from a clean slate and humbly respecting my client’s prerogatives of choices.
  • Becoming aware of loads of blind spot assumptions & presuppositions and routinely censoring all these detrimental thoughts.
  • Getting rid of my covert and overt superiority complexes with the awareness that it’s not about my experiences and knowledge rather helping my client draw-out his.
  • Be more self-aware and mindful of my prejudices, biases & judgmental attitudes and intentionally suspending them. The challenge to be open in what I hear, how I hear & whom I hear, is a long journey out of my comfort zone.

I look forward to learning to develop a mindset of being open, curious, flexible & client-centred and hopefully becoming a new person.

Author Name:  Sydney Nevis

Title of the Blog:  Being Undone

About the Author:  A pastor for 30 years. I found what I love to do and do what I love to do. I dream of being as helpful as possible to people on a personal & professional level.

Program Attended with CTT:  I am on the ICF Coach Certification Program Level 1. I want to be certified to fulfil my dream of being as helpful as possible.

What worked for me:  The program is changing me to be a person that will make me as helpful as possible.

What benefits me:  I am personally changing, recognising new paradigms.

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