How is your empathy?

On how many occasions was I able to handle difficult customers well in my career?
What was the winning combination?
Was it my understanding of how the customer felt after a transaction didn’t happen the way he/she wanted to?
Was it the clear empathy I had towards their point of view by getting into their shoes?
Empathy is the ability to appreciate other person’s feelings without becoming emotionally involved to keep our judgment unaffected. This sharpens our perception in all sorts of situations in our daily lives as well. I feel it is a state of mind which anyone should develop and also improve on since the biggest mistake in dealing with others is to underestimate the importance of their feelings.
How about our married life? Wouldn’t the tensions in our marriage life lessen if as a partner we would ask ourselves, every time our spouse did something annoying: “What are the real feelings behind this behavior?” “I hate you. I wish you were dead!” a child may shout. The wise parent, applying empathy, reaches back to the feelings which prompted such outbursts and gives them their true meaning, which is usually: “I need you and you are paying no attention. Please show me you love me.”
Empathy is akin to sympathy, but whereas sympathy says, “I feel as you do,” empathy says, “I know how you feel.” Empathy enables us to use our heads rather than our hearts. When we sympathize with someone in trouble, we catch and reflect some of his suffering; our anxiety in turn may increase his distress. But when we employ empathy, we bring to bear a detached insight, which is of far greater help to that person overcoming unhappiness.
Naturally, all of us practice empathy at times without knowing it. We would be completely out of touch with people if we did not. But the trick is to use this ability consciously. People tend to open up more if only we tune-in on the feelings behind their words and actions. Recognition of their feelings through empathy guards our own against being hurt.
As coaches, it is important to sharpen this skill while getting in a coaching conversation to really hear what needs to be heard to come up with those powerful questioning and further coachee’s self-realization. If we listen and respond from our mind, body and soul the coachee would definitely feel that the coach fully understands his or her feelings and journey of coaching would certainly be fun and result oriented.
Learning to use empathy takes patience. It is necessary always to remember that empathy works only as long as you remain detached, acknowledging the other person’s feelings but never sharing them. But the effort is rewarding. Using empathy to enter the mind and heart of another human being can become a great adventure. Acquire this skill, and it will not only enrich your coaching conversations but also roll back the horizons of your daily life.

Author Name: Upul Dissanayaka
Title of the Blog: How is your empathy
About the Author: MD/CEO of C B C Finance Ltd (A fully owned subsidiary of
Commercial Bank of Ceylon PLC)
Program Attended with CTT: CTT Level 1
Reason for taking this program: In order to learn coaching
What worked for you: Absolute amazing programme which is a self-discovery of myself as well
What benefits you got: Embracing the world of coaching along with the greater desire to master coaching.