Self-Bullying to Self-Belief…the power of Coaching

Have you ever felt that you bully yourself?

If your answer is “never”, then this blog is not for you…Read on if you hesitated even a bit before responding.

While bullying has become a hot topic and the anti-bullying movement has come a long way, self-bullying is not something we discuss…it is not something I accepted at a conscious level. It is not an easy answer.

I often wondered why it was so difficult for me to accept compliments on my appearance or my accomplishments. Forget about taking credit for a job well done, I would squirm even when it came to me on a silver platter…“You paint so well” was always met with…”Not really, you should see what others do, you should see the junk I make”. Even my husband’s compliments on my intelligence or my appearance made me squirm and make faces.

I took pride in thinking that I am brutally honest and know my limitations and hence it would be unethical of me to accept a compliment or praise when I have not earned it. Worse, I believed that others did not know what they were saying. I even doubted their motives. The little spark of joy at a compliment was immediately crushed by a brutal self bully under the garb of being honest, or humble. A part of me loved showcasing my work but the bully in me flinched at outside recognition and immediately made me make light of the praise.

It was as if everyone else around me were fools for not recognizing that I was an imposter, that I could fake it day in and day out without being found out. And God forbid, if it was criticism that came my way, “the bully me” made it disproportionately hurtful.

In the process, I hurt myself and I hurt many people close to me who took my behavior as an indication of indifference or worse arrogance.

A tiny voice inside me always told me that I was wounding my soul and upsetting others by this behavior, but my bigger bullying voice managed to crush that voice and beat it into submission.

I may have continued this behavior till, one day, I came across this term and something clicked. That same day I had a peer coaching session planned. Something made me share this with my coach. Patient, empathetic, non-judgmental questioning helped me to admit that I was bullying myself forever.

Admitting this to myself was so liberating, the first step in starting the process towards Self-belief.

So far these are small steps. I am examining and writing down what makes me bully myself, what have I achieved, what has helped me become a successful, compassionate human being, what are the bullying behaviors I observe… I have a long way to overcome this, but I have started. To me that is akin to facing up the bully on the road, a little fearfully, but confidently. More later…

About The Author

Aabha Nanda

About me – I am an HR professional, a wife, a sister, an aunt, an artist..not necessarily in that order.  I have close to 3 decades of experience in Human Resources.  I am currently based out of Dehradun.

Program Attended with CTT – ICF Coach Certification Program Level 1

Reasons for taking this program – I have always wanted to do Coaching to understand myself and the world around me better at a personal level and to explore the possibility of becoming a coach as a profession.

What worked for me – a great combination of head and heart in the program.  My batchmates, the structure, the freedom to explore your own boundaries, be and the infinite patience and expertise of the Coach.

What benefits I got – It has helped me explore my own fears and limitation and how liberating it is to just talk.  It is making me a more patient and compassionate person.

Disclaimer

The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Coach-To-Transformation or its parent company.