My Coaching Journey: Becoming by Unbecoming
I embarked on my coaching journey through Life Coaching Courses with the aim of building coaching competencies and practising them with leaders and my team members.
My Journey in Experiencing Coaching
However, when the journey began, it opened many curtains and shattered several myths. It took nearly 10 hours of coaching and 40 hours of classroom learning to break some of the mental blocks I had unknowingly built over the years. The structured learning through ICF Training challenged many assumptions I had unknowingly carried and helped me develop a deeper appreciation for the coaching process.
How Am I Performing?
One question constantly occupied my mind: How am I performing during a Life coaching course? What am I doing well, and what could I do better?
Over time, I realised that coaching is the client’s journey. The only thing expected of a coach is to be fully present with the client and walk alongside them in their journey. The moment I shifted my focus to my own performance, I was no longer fully present for the client. In a way, it became a disservice to them.
There were occasions when clients appreciated me during or after a coaching session. While such appreciation felt encouraging, I also realised that it could become a distraction, making me focus on my performance rather than the client’s process.
Biases and My Presence
Being present is not just about listening—it is about listening without bias.
Initially, I found myself influenced by several biases. During peer coaching, I sometimes experienced an inferiority bias because the client had more experience or was older than me. At other times, regional bias, experience bias, or industry bias unconsciously shaped my thinking. These biases became roadblocks that subtly influenced the direction of the conversation instead of allowing the client to lead it.
With continuous practice and self-awareness, I have learnt to keep these biases aside, at least during the coaching conversation, allowing the client and their journey to remain at the centre.
Being Unknowledgeable
Some topics clients bring are so familiar that coaches are tempted to offer suggestions and solutions. Other topics may feel completely unfamiliar, leaving the coach feeling clueless.
One of the most liberating learnings for me has been that, in coaching, it is perfectly acceptable to be unknowledgeable.
A coach’s role is not to be an expert on the topic. The role is to be fully present and deeply understand the client—not necessarily the subject matter. In fact, when a coach does not know, genuine curiosity naturally emerges. Curiosity strengthens presence, deepens listening, and enables more meaningful exploration.
Patience is one of the greatest strengths a coach can possess. It allows us to remain present, stay curious, listen without interruption, resist the urge to build our own point of view, and ask clean, thoughtful questions. These are lessons that continue to be reinforced through ICF Courses and consistent coaching practice.
How Coaching Is Helping Me Today
A coaching session is like peeling the layers of an onion. The coach’s responsibility is to gently go deeper, layer by layer, helping the client evoke awareness.
Initially, I believed I would naturally become a good coach because I interacted with many people. However, I soon realised that becoming a coach is actually about unbecoming many things.
I had always seen myself as a people expert, a guide, a problem solver, and someone who readily offered advice and counsel. Coaching, however, is fundamentally different.
It is about building trust and psychological safety, demonstrating genuine curiosity, asking meaningful and powerful questions, evoking awareness, and creating space for clients to discover their own answers.
Today, these learnings are not only helping me become a more competent coach but also a better professional and, more importantly, a better human being.
I have consciously started applying these learnings while diagnosing people-related challenges, identifying root causes, and supporting meaningful action plans instead of rushing to solutions.
Coaching has also helped me create a safe and non-judgmental environment while assessing or interacting with people. It has taught me to question with genuine curiosity and patiently go deeper until new awareness emerges. Looking back, I realise that Life Coaching Courses were only the starting point; the real transformation continues through every coaching conversation.
A Learning from Lord Krishna
When I think of coaching, Lord Krishna offers one of the finest examples.
When Arjuna lays down his bow on the battlefield, Krishna first creates a safe and non-judgmental space for him. Rather than immediately directing or criticising him, Krishna patiently listens to Arjuna’s confusion, doubts, and fears.
Throughout the conversation, Krishna asks questions, challenges Arjuna’s perceptions, and gently expands his awareness. While he is deeply committed to Arjuna’s growth, he remains detached from the outcome. He helps Arjuna recognise his own duty while reminding him to stay detached from the fruits of his actions.
Krishna continuously evokes awareness by encouraging Arjuna to look inward and confront his own limiting beliefs and blind spots.
Most importantly, after sharing his wisdom through the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna does not impose a decision. Instead, he tells Arjuna to reflect upon what has been shared and then choose his own course of action. Ultimately, it is Arjuna’s journey, and the decision remains his.
This is perhaps one of the most powerful lessons in coaching.
Can we play the role of Krishna in our clients’ lives—not by solving their problems, but by partnering with them to maximise their personal and professional potential?
Can we help them arrive at the best choices after they have reflected deeply on their thoughts, beliefs, and assumptions?
It is undoubtedly a thought-provoking and deeply fulfilling process. As coaches, we partner with clients through their journey while remaining detached from the choices they ultimately make.
As I Continue My Journey
As I continue building my coaching competencies, I realise that the greatest transformation is not happening only in my coaching conversations—it is happening within me.
Every coaching conversation teaches me to listen more deeply, judge less, stay curious longer, trust the client’s wisdom, and embrace the power of presence. These lessons extend well beyond Life Coach Classes, shaping how I engage with people every day.
Perhaps, becoming a coach is less about acquiring new skills and more about letting go of old habits.
And for me, that journey has only just begun.
