Throughout our childhood, adulthood and corporate-hood, we are taught to practise and imbibe the importance of being prompt, getting ahead of the curve, and finding solutions to problems at hand. We are supposed to be the heroes who jump in and do something, say something or make something better and “win the day.” The first hand raised when a question gets asked by teachers becomes the winner, and this has been so deeply ingrained in us that, even as adults, we carry this urgency to respond with an answer.
My ICF Level 1 coaching journey has helped me revisit this very hero mindset — or the “Chattur” mindset (from the movie 3 Idiots) — and appreciate the power of the simple but mighty “pause.
I began this journey with several misconceptions — that coaching meant swooping in with your experience and advice to save the day for someone in distress. It took 14 weeks and umpteen hours of self-reflection to realise that being a coach is about meeting a person where they are and holding an “I am an equal (not the hero)” mindset throughout. And that the true superhero of a story can sometimes be the non–action-packed pause — the mindful, quiet moment that creates a bridge for the coachee to cross over to their destination or their next journey or sometimes even their own utopia.
The pause not only offers the person before you space to shift focus, reflect or gain perspective, but also allows you to clear your biases, regulate your emotions and get more curious. This pause makes you more human, more equal to the coachee. You take your time to assimilate the conversation and then ask a truly curious question.
Of course, our amazing mentor coach has also warned us about the “fake” pause — reminding us to take a genuine pause, one that is needed and holds value for the process, and to be absolutely our authentic self as the coach. And if, after the pause, we still cannot find a curious or exploratory question that helps us be a thought partner, we call that out too. That insight is equally relevant outside coaching — to act only from authenticity and to know that vulnerability in moments simply makes us human.
It is knowing that we can and should pause when needed that truly allows us to be present in any conversation — coaching or otherwise — and actively listen for the real story to emerge. This humble pause also changes the way you see your life outside coaching conversations. You realise that giving yourself, others or situations a little time can shift your perspective — and sometimes even your feelings about yourself, others and the world around you.
As someone who is personally in a place of pause in life for now, this reflection has added strength and hope. Almost like a polaroid image — it takes a little time, a little air and a few breaths to develop and reveal the full picture.
Author Name: Suman Louis
Program Attended with CTT: ACC Level 1
Reason for taking this program: Needed to ‘unpack’ a few things for myself
What worked for you: The ability to offer and feel the “trust & security” in the process
What benefits you got: Helped & continues to help me through all the learned wisdom and lived costs…one conversation at a time!
