Relax….Un-knit those eyebrows…I’m talking about the Performance Mindset Syndrome!
Come on, admit it. As Coaches we’ve all had it, continue to have it or are aware that it still
creeps in every now and again at some level.
My initial coaching conversations were filled with doubts and this so-called PMS. I would worry
about things like – ‘What can I ask next that is meaningful?’; ‘What should my next question
be?’; ‘Am I making this session worthwhile for the client?’ Am I sounding deep and evoking
insights?’ Exhausting, right?
And all this whilst I was having a conversation, not before, not after, WHILST!
End result – missed information, missed physical cues and missed opportunities. I ended up
looking at the client and their concern at a very superficial level. There was no peeling of the
onion, no layers being uncovered and definitely losing out on the prospect of knowing who that
person, sitting on the other side, really was?
Sometimes the PMS would also translate into wanting the client to ‘Get there faster’ or wanting
to steer the conversation in a certain direction because of how the Coach’s mind was
conditioned, completely overlooking the client’s background and belief systems.
I decided to bring this up during our Coach training sessions and found out that I was not alone-
— everybody had PMS! We were all wondering if we were being productive or not.
Our mentor simply said those 3 magical words – no, not THOSE words but something that would
open my eyes to a new way of thinking. It was — ‘Whose need is it’? Okay, so that’s 4 words,
but you get it.
Those words were so powerful that they didn’t really need elaboration. Our trainer mentioned
that we all have this performance mindset and how we need to break away from that. It took me
some time to fully appreciate the depth of that statement but I slowly started understanding that
I simply have to take the ‘I’ out of the equation. So simple yet so difficult!
I realised that I have to let go of wanting to control the conversation, or wanting to make the
client see things my way. I just had to learn to move away from the driver’s seat and into the
navigator’s.
It all started to make sense. Over time, after continuous reinforcements by my mentor, I started
working on it and that opened up this whole new world of coaching for me. I was no longer
anxious, didn’t feel the need to be an expert or to solve my client’s problems or even wonder if
my client got anything out of the session or not. I was able to stay calm, listen intently, look for
cues and just be comfortable – whatever the outcome. I finally started to appreciate what ‘Being
present’ really meant.
With that said, I’m far from mastering these traits but I’m happy to at least be aware and working
on it every single day.
On the flip side though, I also often wonder if not having PMS will make me complacent? Will I
stop growing and developing as a Coach? Will I get so comfortable about the way I am as a
Coach that I stop working on myself? Is it okay for me to not think about the kind of questions
I’m asking? The short answer is no!
The long answer is that revisiting the conversation is definitely a very important practice for a
Coach, but after the coaching session is over. The key word being ‘AFTER’!
Find some quiet time, go over the conversation in your head or if you have the recording, go
through that and check against competencies and by all means go ahead and dissect it if you
like – learn from it, be aware of the areas you were good at and the parts that need sharpening
and move on….don’t stew over it.
Similarly, effort needs to be put in before a coaching session too – mentally and emotionally
planning for sessions, being aware of your own trigger points and unconscious biases and just
being mindful of your thoughts will certainly go a long way in staying focussed and detaching
oneself from the conversation.
So, is PMS all bad? I’m sure with the negative connotation it carries, one must think – of course,
it’s bad! But think again, it all comes down to the timing. Pre and Post session – Good; During
session – Bad!
I’d like to wrap it up by saying that once I started learning how to take the ‘I’ out of the equation,
it felt freeing. And with a little wordplay I found a fun way to remind myself if I was PMSing
Author Name: Aditi Majumdar
Title of the Blog: Are we PMSing all the time?
About the Author:
Ambivert; Dramatic; Love the idea of ‘JOMO’….always have!
Program Attended with CTT: ICF ACC
Reason for taking this program: I wanted to ‘sharpen the saw’ in order to shape a new career
trajectory.
What worked for you: I enjoyed the pace, content delivery and the exploratory nature of the
sessions thoroughly. Also grateful for the members in my cohort who I can happily refer to as
more than just acquaintances.
What benefits you got: Other than getting to know a wide range of very interesting people, I
think getting a sneak peek into myself was the biggest benefit.
