Last Sunday, I was in a coffee shop sipping a cup of hot brewed coffee, when I noticed two young girls at the next table. One of the girls was talking with high enthusiasm and energy, clearly sharing something important to her. Her friend, kept glancing at the phone nodding absent-mindedly. After a few minutes, the young girl’s voice faded and so did her energy. They sat for a few minutes and then left. I wondered, how easily a potentially good conversation can fizzle out when our attention is divided.
In today’s corporate world we are trained to speak our mind, influence and persuade. “Quick” problem solving a key skill in every job at every level. And it definitely is with all the chaos around.
But we are rarely trained to “pause”, to silence the inner dialogue ready to answer. To silence the urge to find solution even before defining the problem well. We are rarely trained to be truly present for the other person. Active listening sounds simple but requires great discipline. It is the ability to hold space without interrupting, without judgement. Space where we notice words and also tone, expressions and emotions.
The reality is that when people feel genuinely heard, it creates the conditions for their growth and change. I have seen this play out countless times. A colleague comes in frustrated about a project delay. My instinct as a leader is to jump straight to solve. But when I hold back and listen, something shifts. By the end of the conversation, they often leave with more clarity and sometimes solve their own problem. What they needed was not my advice but a patient ear.
My 3 simple but powerful lessons about active listening through coaching.
1) Be fully present – physically and mentally. No back thoughts and no urges to reach conclusions. Remove distractions. No phone on the table, no laptop screen half open.
2) Reflect back what you heard. A simple “what I’m hearing is…” shows the other person that their words landed. They feel understood.
3) Listen holistically – what is said and what is not said. Sometimes silence and expressions tell you more than sentences.
When we practice presence, interactions transform. Instead of transactional monologues, they become meaningful conversations. People feel invited to share. Trust grows and decisions get better because they are formed with full reality, not just superficial thoughts.
Have you thought about, when was the last time you were fully present for someone.
Here is my invitation. In your next conversation, whether its with a colleague, a team member or even your child at home, try this. Put everything else aside. Listen not to reply, but to understand. Notice the words, the tone, the pauses. In the end, just share what you observe instead of offering quick solutions.
You may be surprised at what happens. Presence is not about doing more. It is about giving your full self. And in a world full of noise, the rarest and most powerful gift you can give is your presence.
