Sharing The Knowledge

Globally With Everyone.

My Journey from Telling to Asking

Rajat Garg 

- Dec 23rd 2020



I felt like I had lost a client.  At the end of the session, he said, “I am confused I don’t know what happened in the discussion today. I didn’t understand anything that was happening”.
My heart sank. Am I doing something wrong? If this is going to be the reaction of my clients, soon I won’t be having any. It was all gloomy for me till on the 3rd day I got a call from the same client. He said, “Do you have a recording of our last discussion. I would like to go through it again. Something is happening within me and it is a positive change that I am experiencing. When can we have the next session, he asked? Now, it was my turn to dance and feel excited. Not because one client had agreed to continue, but because my trust in the process of coaching had multiplied manifold.
I began my journey of coaching certification, with the intention of getting to know various models and frameworks that I could use during my coaching sessions. I was looking forward for a step-by-step process that I could follow as a coach to “help” my clients. I am glad; I didn’t have to learn any of these. What I learnt in this journey is much more meaningful and powerful approach to “supporting” people in their journey.
When I got into this journey, I came with an understanding that coaching is about showing a different perspective to the client so that he can make a better-informed decision. Make them look at perspectives they have not considered so far and they would be able to realize the fallacy of their thought process and make amends.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. During this journey, it dawned upon me that it’s not about a different perspective, which was in fact my perspective. It’s about supporting the client to realize why he had the perspective, what made him think that way and what was the driving force behind that behavior. During the discussions, I realized that the core problem / issue / challenge was not even the one that was stated at the beginning. And I understood, therefore, the futility of trying to show my perspective of the situation that was stated. The core issue, most of the times, has nothing to do with the issue (which I now realize is just a symptom). It could be borne out of some emotion, feeling, thought or experience completely different than that stated explicitly. As a coach, I learnt my role is to support the client to know about those root causes so that they can then figure out the most appropriate path for them.
The transition from an urge to tell towards that to ask has been the greatest learning of this coaching learning. Staying curious, not for the purpose of understanding but for the clients to realize their own ways of thinking and feeling is the biggest takeaway from this journey.  And the biggest of them all, is the realization that coaching is not about frameworks and models, it’s more about going with the gut feeling and letting the conversation flow in the direction it is without trying to change it according to our convenience.
The discomfort one feels at the start  – as it is difficult to let go the feeling of pride one has when providing solutions to the satisfaction one gets, gradually gives way to the serene pleasure one feels when everything happens for the client without I having to do anything. And that, to me, is what coaching is all about.

About The Author

  • Arvind Khinvesra is a Transformation Coach, Corporate Trainer, Speaker and Author. He started his company “Achieve ThySelf”, after spending 22 years in manufacturing and IT industries, to follow passion to support people realize their potential and achieve their goals. . As a coach, he strongly believes – “We don’t provide solutions, we help you find yours”.

  • Arvind loves running marathons and is part of an NGO Prayosha Foundation that empowers girl child.

  • Arvind loves running marathons and is part of an NGO Prayosha Foundation that empowers girl child.

  • What worked for you: Experiencing the world of coaching in front of peers with no worry of going wrong and support of peers with constructive feedback

  • What benefits you got: I had joined the program as i doubted my coaching approach which deepened a lot on my instinct. I was looking for frameworks and thankfully i realized the approach I naturally had is what i can go with , of course with fine tuning a few aspects.


The views and opinions expressed in this blog are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Coach-To-Transformation or its parent company.

Rajat Garg

Rajat is a Master Certified Coach (MCC) with over 18 years of industry experience and over 2500 hours of coaching experience, helping people and organizations attain maximum effectiveness. His background includes working with CXOs, senior managers, managers and board of directors of small private companies to multi-billion dollar publicly traded organizations.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Blogs

The Journey to the Centre of my Being

7-year-old me: What should I draw? 10-year-old elder brother: What would you like to draw? Me, hoping I will get some ideas: I don’t know. You tell me na? Bro (absolutely unperturbed): But how can I tell you what to draw when it is you who wants to draw? Me (sighing): Arggggg!! This is how … Continue reading "The Journey to the Centre of my Being"

How do Teens benefit from Coaching?

Are you the parent of a teenager? Do you find it increasingly difficult to talk to them? All the mood swings, the sulky looks, the “I’m fine” and “Whatever!” No matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to understand him or her? Parents want their teenagers to be confident and happy. To be … Continue reading "How do Teens benefit from Coaching?"

Uncomfortably Excited ??? Growth and Emotions

I have trained … I have learnt new skills … I have practiced these skills under different environments … I am ready.. Let me tell you my journey of learning to drive… I was 14 years old. My Dad was catching an afternoon nap and his car was parked in the garage. Over the years … Continue reading "Uncomfortably Excited ??? Growth and Emotions"

Am I really me?? – Self Leadership

Close to four decades in corporate life,  I have seen a lot of effort in ‘Behavioral Change’. This is very one dimensional and I knew I had to go deeper than Behavior to really start making lasting Behavioral Change. Below is a snapshot of my research and my reality. “Leadership is a choice, not a … Continue reading "Am I really me?? – Self Leadership"

Hence…..People Will Never Forget How You Made Them Feel"

A very famous quote by Maya Angelou “ People will forget what you said, People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. While I decided to enroll CTT while I started my journey, I understood the deeper meaning on how our mind thinks, works and speaks. Various … Continue reading "Hence…..People Will Never Forget How You Made Them Feel""

Creativity is born for Curiosity

It was on a fine day on Jan 2020, It was very accidently that I came across a mail and somehow my curiosity took me to explore the website. I talked to the respective person and was not sure about if for 4 months and just thinking. While I was busy with my routine jobs … Continue reading "Creativity is born for Curiosity"