For the nth time I asked my little girl, “who do like the most”, with lot of love my little girl said “I love my mom” I didn’t stop there, asked her again, How much do you like your mom?, she stretched her hand a bit and said “This much”, clearly I was not convinced, I smiled and asked again “only that much” now my little girl stretched a bit more, this time more than what she could and said thiiiiiis much. Again, I insisted “only that much”, now she looked at me helplessly not knowing how to express her love.
Many of us in today’s world either not bothered about what others think or bothered too much about what others would think. We always keep looking for validation and reassurance for everything or we go to another extreme of not giving a damn care for anything. All we required is a yes or a no? possible or not possible, struck between good and better. Every small thing done needs not just appreciation a phenomenal appreciation. Doing the role, excelling are two different traits, and everyone is aware, still craving for that “so called appreciation” and not being satisfied even if it is given simply becoz it doesn’t meet the expectations or the way we expected to be appreciated.
When I was young, my parents always say, when you are upset or confused stay calm, take a deep breathe, have some water, divert your mind, get out and play? And just do what you are supposed to do. Interestingly never do I remember they ask me “Do you love me, if yes how much”
It always surprised me on how my parents would have handled the pressure of spending less time with the kids and also not looking up for validation to know how do their kids love them?
This relates, well especially when you are a coach, “curiosity and the intent behind the curiosity”, It is twofold, every time when a question comes up to the mind, as a coach I realize whenever I wanted to ask a question to the coachee, I have ask this question to myself what is the intent of this question, is this to drive and lead someone, or to get an answer for self, or for comparison or just curious about the content.
On the other hand, being curious to know to look up for validation or an appreciation may not get the coach in the right direction. While curiosity is great, only with a right intent it would lead to a great coaching experience.
Having said coach can never be brought under the lines of a good coach or a bad coach, it is only a question of did it meet the expectation and not compromising on the values and beliefs. If the coach is able to connect with the coachee and the coachee is able to see the value and benefits, it ends there and no question for validation,
I am a good coach, if yes what is the rating on a scale of 1 to 5 ?…..
Usha Krishnan is a working professional and is Passionate about people.